I started blogging, before blogging was a thing. My blogs were a reflection of the thoughts and ideas running through my broken heart. I think back then I was searching for what I called, "The Words Within". I was going through a divorce, trying to start a business (mind you, with no idea what I was doing) after dropping out of college (because well, I could have used a gap year, but that wasn't a thing in 2009 either), and in a desperate place to hear from God. Everything has a purpose, even those 2 years of design school and 5 years in the field, which I had planned to put to rest. But, everything has a purpose.
I sit here in front of my computer, some 9 years later and reflect on my life, on those 9 years where I was searching for the words within that would sum up my life thus far. I've been an entreprenuer since I learned the word. No, really, since I was 15 or 16 and I was crafting and selling jewelry and knick knacks. Those 2 years sum of a lot of the promises God spoke over my future. I've clung to them for dear life, trying to get to the destination. I dream the biggest dreams.
At that young age, I was purchasing books on wedding planning. Yeah, not to plan my own wedding, but because the dream was to do something in the wedding field professionally. I had this vision to own and operate a bed and breakfast, host weddings, and serve people from all over the world. I've chased that dream. I've been told no. Time and time again. But, you see, I don't take the word "no" for an answer. My sister calls it stubborn, I call it persistence and determination. I refuse to let go.
A few years ago I even applied for a contest to win a bed and breakfast in the Maine. Yeah this Southern girl in Maine, haha. Oh now naive I was. Now I see how crazy that idea was, but being an inn owner isn't easy to rally up funds when you don't have an income in the first place, as I was taking care of Joel full time and living with the in laws. But I didn't stop. We bought this little farm in Jax and thought we could turn it into a wedding venue, nope. City won't allow it. I have nearly 5 acres y'all. That's unheard of in Jax. It's beautiful and perfect, but not a commercial space. I had been told no before, not just with the owning and operating a BnB in Maine, but in those first few days of flipping pages of my wedding planning books I got off eBay (when that was a thing). I called everywhere in the big city of Greenville, SC and asked if I could tag along and learn the ropes alongside a pro. I was hungry to learn. I was offering my hands and my time, if only free of charge. No one bit. Little did they know I don't take no for an answer.
Some years later in between those books and dreaming of owning an inn on the countryside- with a big red barn and plantation style farmhouse, I jumped at the opportunity to take my little cannon Powershot and capture a surprise engagement. That little "yes" turned into a business. That's right. I took out my first little loan on a professional camera and taught myself how to photograph. That little hobby turned into another business. However, it's a business that doesn't work well when your home life needs you 24/7. So I invited people to the farm here in Jax as it grew, much to the city's demise.
I learned how to photograph in the perfect lighting, found a wonderful friend and we learned from each other as I encouraged her to quit her job an go for it- she's now a full time wedding photographer in her home town of Ormond Beach. But me, I'm in waiting, still. I have had to celebrate victories for friends, be their cheerleader, watch them capture their dreams, and I'm still waiting. I'm in my middle.
I hesitate to share this with you, because some of our parents don't even know this. Sigh. We recently tried to take over a bed and breakfast far from home. I spent hours and days crafting the perfect business plan to persuade the owners to let us come in and take over a failing business. I have a dream of revitalizing a small city, making it a destination filled with community farm events, an all-inclusive wedding venue, a true farm bed and breakfast experience, and run our little home and lifestyle market online and onsite. Y'all the plan is 50 pages long- with supporting numbers and research, hours on end of dreaming, years of hopes and dreams. I spoke with the leading man, whom I beg to say is family to the owner, but not the owner, several times on the phone, via email and when he told me the down payment they required, some $285,000, that still didn't stop me. In case you don't know by now, I don't take no for an answer. But, we don't come from money. We don't have that kind of money stashed away. So, I proposed an offer that was irresistible. I would come run it, free of charge, turn it right side up and start implementing the JPF dream for the cost of room and board to take it off the elderly lady's plate who is running it. Nope.
Again, I refuse to let the word "no" dictate my life. Actually he didn't say no at first. I spent a week tweaking my big dream to their hometown. The owner is a dreamer and I thought for sure this was it. Big red barns, a big white farmhouse in Amish country, and my kid was ecstatic and so was Joel. You see, we all have this engrained in us by now. It will happen. My God has never failed me. I reflect on Israel and the promised land. I have my own kind of promised land. A week went by after I sent my plan over and crickets. Maybe the email was lost. I finally sent an email to follow up- I didn't want to seem desperate or nagging. I was being patient with him. Then finally a day later he just said "no", in a few more words as he reflected over a previous conversation.
Now, I don't know the backstory of why they said "No". I don't know what the business is looking at in its future. I don't know that that wasn't God saying that He wouldn't wish that burden on me, because they were less than forthcoming about the financial state of the business. They shared enough for me to know it wasn't in the black, by a long shot. But I know my dream, it's not just running a BnB. It's my own kind of Chip and Joanna dream. It's my own Waco. It's huge. It could take that little city by storm. Really, any city God sees fit.
For now, I wait. I'm not going to lie, it's discouraging. But for now, I can focus on what is most important- my family and my JPF Family- you guy!. I can map my way out to grasping that big dream, to share it all with you under one roof. To invite you into our space. That's the dream. To share this life with you. To inspire you, to equip you, and to empower you to live every season of life joyfully.
For now, I'm hopeful for today. Today (as I'm writing this- it's Saturday morning) is huge. Today we reflect on everything JPF has become this year. We are mapping out the next five years, more specifically this next year. We are bringing so much more to you than you can imagine. And I have the BEST person by my side that gets that vision and she pushes me to make those things happen. My partner in crime, not only in business, but I'm so blessed to call a friend- my Kenz! She never stumbles, and she never questions my crazy antics. Shoot, she was ready to pack up and bring her infant to another state by my side. If you don't have a friend like that, you don't even know- I've been waiting my whole life for this girl to ride with me. I have tribe around me- our parents (even far away), my sister, and a few close friends who celebrate the opportunity long before it comes to fruition. That's what I need. I need these people- my tribe, my village, my community, my family.
And one day, I'll get that farm bed and breakfast. So just you wait. I won't stop. I won't take "no" for an answer. I refuse. But for now, I'll follow Jesus and be reminded that His timing is best. Everything has a purpose and nothing is wasted- especially that 50 page business plan that FINALLY is my dream on paper. One day I'll hand it over and it will not only be our road map to where we are going, but it will be a photo of where we have been.
However, I'm not going to lie, it's not been easy. It's been really hard. I realize that I've neglected so many areas of what I want this big dream and vision to be- I stopped writing the words within my heart. On the way to chasing this big huge dream of mine, I've realized what I want this business to be. What I want the heart of JPF to be and what I want to offer families and mamas. I want to lift them up. I want to give them value and offer them something. I want to be more than an influence. I want to be their motivation and their realization that the word "no" doesn't work for them either.
This morning I recall Psalm 51:17 to my mind and my heart:
"My sacrifice, O God, is[a] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."
My hope is that if I can find hope in my valley, that you would be able to find peace and comfort and hope there too. Wherever you are, I pray that you are finding someway to see the yes in your "no". What do I mean? I mean that each no is just helping you navigate the path that you're meant for, the right way, instead of a broken dream. I hope you're able to see that God is good- a good good Father and that EVERYTHING He is doing is for your good. Even if "no" is the obvious answer. No just means find another way. It means try something different. It's a beautiful journey that is yet to unfold. Everything has a purpose.
Dream Mama dream,
Lauren
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