Before we dig into the nitty-gritty of this post I want to take a second and share my heart with you all. Motherhood is hard and finding a community is even more difficult when every second of your everyday is for other human beings. So, Mama- I am praying for you.
"Dear Lord I pray for the mama that is feeling so alone that she doesn't know how to communicate with people anymore. I pray for the mom who has never-ending sleepless nights, the one who doesn't even make coffee anymore because what is the point? I pray for the mom who is homeschooling and doing every thing she can to keep from losing her cool. I pray for the mama who is dropping her kids off every day, learning in the drop off line that they need lunch or have on two different shoes. I pray for the mom who can not get her kid to communicate and the mom that can't get a moments peace. I pray for the mom who is breastfeeding despite the inconvenience. I pray for the mom who can barely afford formula but knows fed is best. I pray for the mom who can't see you right now and is begging to feel less alone. I pray for the mom who is hiding because if she hears her name one more time she won't be able to stop the floodgate of tears. I pray for the mom who feels like her teenager hates her. I pray for the one who feels unseen in the hustle and bustle, of practices, lessons, tutoring, and more. I pray for the mom with the infant who won’t sleep and who feels so tired and so alone. I pray for the mama who feels like she has to have it all together, but with the toddler running the show, she feels like she is hanging on by a single thread. I pray for the one with the back-talking teenager; remember, this phase isn’t forever. I pray that she knows that she is respected and valued and loved; remember all the things you said at that age that you didn’t mean. I pray for the mom with the adult children and know that her wisdom is from experience but encourage her to take heart that they will listen and they will still make their own mistakes. I pray for the mom who feels alone, surrounded, yet unseen, unheard, not thriving, merely surviving, clinging, and attempting to let go.
There are so many stages of motherhood, and yes it is beautiful and wonderful, but it is hard and impossible at times too, and it is ok to feel that. It is even better when you can feel it then move out of it.
I pray all this for you mama- no matter what rut you may be stuck in. For the one that is clinging to hope even though she hasn't felt it in quiet some time. I pray for the mom who wants friends. For the mom who wants space. For the one who just needs to be in community with you, Lord.
In Jesus' name,
Amen."
I have a confession, when I first started this blog I was angry. My heart was broken from feeling attacked by mom shaming and judging. I literally felt like I couldn't post a picture of my kid without an apology or defense attached. I mean messages would come rolling in about the length of her finger nails, about the placement of her seat buckle, about the clothes or shoes or lack there of that she had on. I also realize I am not the only one who feels attacked. I hear/read mom's all the time saying "before you say..." in every post. It is exhausting. Why do we have to preface everything with some sort of version of "Sorry, not sorry, don't bother, I know..." Then I started writing and remembered that so often I think to myself "I wouldn't do that" or "Why is she..." and it hit me that I am just as bad. I have never said anything to another mom. However, the thoughts I let pass through my mind and heart are just as hurtful. I want to apologize mom to mom, I am hurt but mostly I am sorry. I am sorry that I have ever thought parenting was easy or that there was a right versus wrong way to do it.
Broken people hurt broken people. Hurting moms hurt other moms, if only with our thoughts.
So in this messy motherhood gig, what is community? How do we leave our opinions at home and step into the lives and hearts of others in our shoes, or similar ones and support these other women? How do we applaud moms for just showing up (because y'all know we all are just barely squeaking by at times).
As mothers, I believe that we all want the best for our children and we are all doing the best that we can. God knew what He was doing when He gave each of us our children. They needed US- the exact moms we are and... we needed them, the exact children God entrusted to us. Our families were brought together by intentional design. We have to trust our instincts and we need people in our corner cheering us on, holding us up, praying for us, speaking life into our tired hearts, we need moms.
Moms are the most kind, loving, self-sacrificing, people on the planet for their kiddos, for their spouses, and for their obligations (PTA, sports, youth sponsor, Church, volunteer service) we need each other. We need to show each other the grace we so generously offer everyone else in our lives- especially knowing the hearts of these women. As the woman with a kiddo who loves to have some sort of diaper related accident moments before being somewhere important, I need a mom friend who understands, laughs with me, has extra wipes or clothes or patience. I need to be the mom friend with joy, patience, understanding and funny memes/gifs.
What I do not need to be is the mom making life harder for someone in shoes similar or more difficult to walk in. I don't need to call into question a mother's judgement. What happened to that old saying "mama knows best" doesn't that apply to each of us? Our children were each created differently, and the differences are wonderful so doesn't it only make sense that our parenting would look different?
I know the best advice I have received about motherhood is, "Listen to everyone, then do what you want."
That isn't meant to be harsh. The point is that everyone has wisdom and advice to share, so take it in, hear them out, then decide what is applicable to your child and do that. I know so many people have good intentions when reaching out and telling a mom "You know their chest piece is supposed to be at their chest not the belly button," but what you don't see from a picture is that she is in the shopping cart and I moved it to make her more comfortable for strolling around Target.
So, next time you feel that "I can't believe she..." well up inside of you feeling yourself, (since we can't really influence the mom-shamers and judgers ourselves, we can only control our own reactions), stop and say, what do I not see? How awful was her day? Who knows where she's been! Remember all the times all those remarks came to you when you did something less than acceptable to the public- be the mom you needed in that moment to share in this moment, to lift her up. Encourage her before you slap her. Don't tell her what to do, don't shame her. Befriend her. Love her. No matter how good or bad the photo make look, be grace to her today. Applaud her for taking a moment to capture and be present with her daughter.
I want and need your wisdom Mamas. What I don't need is your judgement; my fragile heart can't handle it. I need you to teach me from experience and speak to me out of love, not harshness and while boasting. Tell me why you feed your child only organic instead of shaming the fact that I buy pre-made baby food. Tell me why you co-sleep instead of how wrong it is to put her in her room alone at night. Tell me my choice is ok too, and that you love me and my little despite our differences in parenting, be my mom friend. I need you. We need each other. We should let the trials of motherhood unite us not divide us. We know how amazing and wonderful some days are and how defeating others can be, we get it like no one else can- we are where you are or where you have been. So let's encourage each other and teach each other and laugh and cry together. Let's be in community.
We love you, friend and we are praying for you,
Mackenzie with Lauren
We have created an online community for moms, just like you, to inspire, equip, and empower you Mom. We want to encourage you every step of the crazy way. From tots to teens, we know what it's like to have our hands full, along with the sink, and our hearts. We hope you will join us in learning and growing together. This week we start off with some great, thoughtful questions that we need your help with to help guide us in this community. If you're in search of a positive and uplifting community rooted in love and grace, will you join us?
Comments