My oh my! A picture is worth a thousand words, right?!
It's OFFICIAL we are starting the road to parenthood. I know you have so many questions... so I guess let's just phase this blog as such.
#1 How did you make the decision to adopt?
Adoption has long been in my heart (Lauren) since I was a teenager. I remember vividly being moved at a church service in my early 20s, as well when the service was focused on the topic of adoption. I'm not one that cries easily or gets emotional in that way. However, the mere thought that I get to do what God did for me, adopting children and choosing them, I just can't put that into words.
We started making plans for a family September 2014, just one year after we were married. We always knew (individually and together) that we wanted to be parents. I told Joel from the get-go that I had my own ideas about fertility, adoption, and trying for a child. And it doesn't really matter what I think, because those are our personal thoughts and convictions, but adoption was always in the back of our heads, NOT as a back up plan, but just knowing that we wanted to make that choice in a matter of time.
After trying for a family naturally for nearly 3 years, we decided that after some health goals were reached in Joel's recovery, that we would start the process to adopt. We shared this excitement with our immediate family and closest friends. And... it didn't seem shocking to them- the news to be trying for a family nor the way in which we wanted to pursue it.
#2 Are you adopting through an agency? Overseas? Or through foster care?
This is my absolute favorite question, because it shares our purpose and calling more than anything. I have cared for children with special needs, taken care of Joel for a few years on my own, and wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I think all of it was God's plan to prepare us to adopt from the foster care system. These kids have been through it all- Hell and back! And they deserve so much more than they have been given. I know I keep referring to Jesus (and I'm not about to stop now), but is that not exactly what Jesus did for us? He took us out of the mess we were in and rescued us into a new life. We are not Jesus and we are not heroes, but if we can do just a portion of what Jesus did for us in our life, then somehow we feel we are doing our part to what Jesus called us to do- to care for these children of his whom he will place in our care.
Side-note: As you know by now my sister has joined our JPF team. She has been designing treatment plans for families in need and is on her way to treating children that have been through crisis and trauma. We are so thankful that God has placed her here at such a time as this! She is so happy to be an aunt and help us help others.
#3 Did you say kids?
YES! The plan is 2. Who knows what God will do? But we are hoping to adopt a sibling group. Why? Because these kids have faced it all and they need each other. There are a smaller number of people willing to adopt a sibling group and more out there that age out of the system because they want to be adopted together. And who are we to split them up? After all, we all need someone that can understand us. We all deserve a friend and someone to lean on that has been there with us. They will help each other adjust. They will love each other in only a way a brother/sister can love. And that is a bond we cannot give them, even if we decide to have more children in the future. For that reason, 2 is the number as of now.
#4 Do you want boy(s) or girl(s)?
Whatever God gives us. Sure, we have something in mind, but we had no clue just a few months ago that God was going to give us the desire to have more than one. So we are keeping our mind open. God has the children we are supposed to have and preparing them at this time, just like he's preparing us to be parents.
#5 Are you wanting a baby? How old?
We are not searching for or considering a baby right now. Between all the things we have going on in our life, we are facing reality that we do not have the ability to care for a baby at this time. Perhaps one day. But right now the only babies in this house are the business and Mocha (our rescue pup) and well all the farm animals- but they manage themselves quite well.
As far as age, that just depends. We aren't looking for really young children or teenage children. Perhaps somewhere in between. We are pretty open-minded about it and want to keep the window of opportunity open so that we can embrace them wherever they are in life.
#6 What are you going to share about your adoption?
You are literally starting this journey with us. We start our adoption classes a week from today! We plan to keep our adoption story as public as we can with our children's safety and privacy in mind. Though we will NEVER share the back story on our children, we do know that we are not hiding our lives and that means them. We plan to include you every step of the way (with some discretion on when we are matched- so not to get our hopes too high before they are placed with us). With that being said... if you don't want a bazillion updates... ya might want to unsubscribe and unfollow us, because this is only the beginning!
#7 What do you say to critics who think that you are not suitable to be parents because of your "situation"?
Let's just call it what it is... this question by all means is ridiculous, but some heartless creep out there will eventually ask it. To assume that we have nothing or less to offer than some other well-bodied couple is absurd. Any parent could get in an accident today at work or on the way home, but does this mean they should have their kids taken away because they aren't suited to be parents because they can't slide down a slide with their kid anymore? In the same way we are not living in some fairy tale world, where we imagine Joel playing ball with our kids and chasing them around. Nor do we expect the kids to understand the dynamics of what life looks like for us on a daily basis. Just like we have to prepare for them, we have to prepare them for us. We plan to do so by creating an adoption book as a gift for them that shows them who we are and why can't wait to bring them home! And more so, we are praying for them, because God is in the business of doing the impossible.
Let me throw this out there for kicks... We are NOT saints for wanting to adopt. We are just thankful that God gives us the ability to have children, even though we are not birthing them. They will be ours. We are thankful that God and these children have picked us to be their parents. At the ages we are considering, this is just much their decision as it is ours. We also know that this means that they will have questions about our unique life.
#8 What is the process to adopt through foster care like?
Please bare with me as I'm new to this and this may not be accurate, but I'll try.
Step 1- Pre-screening Interview
Step 2- Orientation Class with initial paperwork
Step 3- 9 Week PRIDE Classes on adoption, homework, and collecting extensive paperwork
Step 4- Home study
Step 5- Matching Process
Step 6- Visitation including supervised, unsupervised, overnights, and weekend(s)
Step 7- Placement (up to 90 days)
Step 8- Gotcha Day (The official day they become ours- birth certificate, name, and all)
#9 What does it cost to adopt?
This all depends on the route you choose to take. Some adoptions cost $40-60,000 and some cost next to nothing. For foster care, all expenses are paid for (unless you choose to travel out of county or state to get the child(ren)). This varies from state to state, but in Florida we are blessed with an amazing system that cares for their needs- physically, financially, and educationally. They will have health insurance until they are 18, a full ride to college in state, and a monthly stipend to help with their financial needs, not to mention therapy as they need during their transition. It is not about money, but it is. We know that we will have costs as parents, but these things certainly helped make it possible to choose this so that our children would have the best chance at life.
With all that being said... it is NOT FREE! Kids cost money. This is a financial commitment as well. We do have things that we must do to get ready to bring them home. We have little and big costs.
#10 What do you do about a "baby" shower when you're adopting older kids?
I've done a lot of reading on this topic. Introducing older children to multiple people is quite overwhelming for children going through this life change. It is important to give them space and time to adapt before meeting even close family. As you can imagine, that means a party would be extremely unlikely. We will certainly celebrate their home-coming in due time, but we are certain that it will take us all quite some time to adjust, no matter the circumstances.
Because you are showering the entire family- kids and parents, not just the mom, it's a little different, especially considering that a grandeur party is not ideal. We will have things to buy like clothes, a bed or two, age appropriate toys like bicycles, and new flooring (if you've seen our house- you understand this is a requirement to get passed for the home study), just to name a few. However, we will welcome personal gifts sent to our home as well once we find out their interests and clothing/shoe sizes. I would love for them to feel your love when we bring them home, especially because you have all played such a part in our story.
We will be doing several things to prepare our home for them. To join our village visit our adoption page.
To start we are doing a book drive for them. We'd love to have a book (or books) of your choice from your family to ours to start a collection for them- new or old, doesn't matter. If you'd like to participate you can find out more here.
If you feel led to contribute to our children's future you can send a financial gift via paypal.
I'm sure you have a ton more questions, if so and you'd like to see more please use the button at the bottom of this page to ask us anything. We are not experts, but we plan to become the best students of this process to help our children and others.
In the mean time, here are some out takes of our photo op to announce that we are becoming parents!
xoxo,
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