Andrea's Speak Now Story {The Best is Yet to Come- Part 2}

How we met Andrea

We met Andrea through her fiance Michael. Michael, just like many of the amazing people we've met in Jacksonville, was a volunteer of a huge group that came to help Joel and I (Lauren) renovate our home last year. He had shown her a video of the crew working on our home with Mike chasing chickens as they worked to make us a state of the art chicken pen and shared our vision of our wedding business with her. She said that she was immediately drawn to my imaginative ideas and started looking into having us help with her wedding. Little did we know that we would become such great friends in the process and that Andrea had a story that would inspire young women for years to come (just gotta feeling). I'll let her tell the rest.

Meet Andrea (36- she sure doesn't look it, right?!) and her girls Ana (10) and Alisha (8)!

Andrea's Story

From the Beginning

"From the age of 5, I grew up in a christian household. When I was 12 I moved to a new house where there was a Portuguese speaking church right across the street with a very strong children and youth program. My parents (and entire family) are Portuguese and are the first generation of family living in the US. For the most part, we all speak Portuguese fluently and our Portuguese culture is still very relevant. So, being able to participate in a Portuguese speaking church merged our culture and faith which gave us a comfortable place to call a home church.

Controlled by religion

In the early years of the church I accepted Jesus and learned about God in very real and powerful ways. I was baptized in water and in the Spirit. I had spiritual experiences that have allowed me to have an unwavering faith in God, because there is no denying God's existence and His amazing Love and Power. However, at some point I became very religious and self-righteous. My salvation became more about church attendance, church service, and ensuring the church leadership was pleased. As a teenager and young adult, I now realize how many situations I saw and personally experienced of bullying, injustice, favoritism of persons, manipulation, and control within the church. A relationship with Jesus was determined by how many days a week we attended church, how many committees we participated in and/or led, how obedient you were to the leaders, and how much forgiveness you could dish out for being mistreated in the name of "God".

I too participated in all these self-righteous behaviors claiming it was how to live out my christian walk. As anyone living a life within their own abilities, I drifted from God completely and began to seek ways to be happy and also how to spite people who had hurt me. I was determined to "show" everyone just how great my life was. That included the marriage to my ex-husband. Many around me couldn't understand why I was with a person like him and many, including my parents, warned me I was making a mistake. But, I became defiant and rebellious wanting to prove I was right... self-righteous tendencies were ingrained in me.

Manipulation In the name of marriage

On the honeymoon I got pregnant unexpectedly and everything became very overwhelming. I was going to be a mother with a man that I wasn't sure was ready to be a father, and I felt I wasn't ready to be a mother. With morning sickness getting the best of me, as well as getting sick and being admitted into the hospital while pregnant, my expectations I had for myself of what it meant to be a wife flew out the window. And, I also wasn't living up to the expectations my ex-husband had of me either. I distinctly remember having a meeting with the pastor that my ex-husband set up where I was told that I needed to have sex at least 2-3 times a week, whether I wanted to or not because it was my duty as a wife. I'm not exaggerating. I literally went through this conversation with my pastor and husband. I also endured having the bring in my sonogram to the pastor to prove that I got pregnant after I got married and not before.

Although, at this time I was a part of a different church than the one I grew up in, it was the same Portuguese speaking church where faith and cultural beliefs were often meshed together to control church members. In the name of church, religion, and "God", my husband would come home at or after midnight from "counseling" church members as we were young adult leaders. I would be home cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, raising the kids just as any Proverbs 31 woman would do while my husband was out gallivanting and "working" for God. My ex-husband had always wanted to join the military, and while I was pregnant with my second daughter, and absolutely disappointed and disgusted with the church and it's leaders, I gave him the go ahead to go and join. He went to boot camp and I stayed behind.

A Secret Life

My parents were a huge support and I started attending a different church. I felt closer to God than I had in a while and felt the desire to worship, as opposed to the obligation I had felt previously. When my ex came back from basic training, it was quite apparent his "holiness" and desire to follow God were not there anymore. That's where the drinking and nights out drinking with friends began. Two weeks after giving birth to my youngest daughter, I found out that when I was still in the hospital after giving birth, while I believed he left to go to his college class, he actually left to meet with a girl. There were times I found out he was sexting with the girls at the dry cleaners, planning a trip to Brazil to spend New Years with a girl we used to go to church with, and more. But for some reason I stayed. We didn't believe in divorce. I was Christian and the Bible spoke against divorce. I had no proof he had cheated, nor did I think he actually had physically had sex with anyone else. I was convinced I would be able to tell if he was lying.

Taking back my life

I began running marathons and filled my own time with running, personal training, and fitness. It really helped me cope with the emotional and mental abuse I was enduring and became an outlet. With time the situations progressed. There are so many stories and situations I can detail out, but over the years that followed we had the cops called to our house twice, 2 accidental gun discharges inside 2 different homes, drugs, alcohol, an arrest for larsony, syphilis, a woman who contacted me because she had his baby, and more. All of this while he was in the military. After a family holiday vacation where he spent the entire time high or drunk, trying to sexually force himself on me and punch me in the stomach in front of my daughter, I realized the damage I was doing to my daughters because of my denial and finally kicked him out of the house.

Going through therapy was how I realized the abuse I had gone through all those years and was actually assigned a domestic violence victim advocate who helped get through all the legal proceedings, mediated on matters that needed to be dealt with my ex, and helped me develop a safety plan. I learned that my ex would sleep in the car outside my apartment when he made it very clear that he knew what time I went to bed and what time I woke up. He would show up at the girls school and have my girls leave me a voicemail that made it appear that he took them. I was able to get emergency sole custody and he was removed from the school property at least 2 times that I knew of. He went missing on Father's Day, and I was advised by his First Sgt to be aware because he didn't show up for work and no one knew where he was. It was a very scary and terrifying time for me, especially as I tried to shield my daughters from all these horrors. Eventually in court one day he showed his true colors and became loud and belligerent with his own attorney and held everyone, including the judge in court all day, only to turn around and prohibit his attorney from filing all the paperwork we had spent all day agreeing to. The attorney, bailiff, clerk, and I believe, even the judge came to realize that his concern wasn't for his daughters, but for his control over me. Once he realized that he was losing control he moved away and even stopped fighting me in court. Of course, the legal proceedings being over are a huge relief.

I've also been set free from being governed by spirits of control that would torture me. The need to be perfect and accepted by everyone is gone and I'm no longer tied to anything other than the Holy Spirit. Manipulative and controlling spirits that used to take over me and be the core of my decision making process are gone and I am finally free. I'm able to discern when those spirits try to come around, but the Lord has set me free and provided me with what's necessary to make sure that I am never plagued or burdened with them again. I'm able to see how I contributed to the problems and how many of my trials were caused or triggered by my own bad decisions. Many times we blame the enemy or we even choose to believe that our trials are caused by God, but they aren't. Not all, but many times they are caused by our poor decisions. The farther I moved away from God, the worse my decisions became and the more my life spiraled out of control.

I praise Jesus that I've been set free and can live the abundant life that He has called me to live. I'm thankful that my past doesn't define me. I'm even thankful of my youthful years because even with all the bad, it is where I met God and had the opportunity to experience Him. I'm blessed to have parents who raised me with morals and character, and although I fell and didn't live accordingly, they still loved me and accepted me. Like the hymn says, 'Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I was was lost, but now I'm found. I was blind but now I see.'"

Q&A

Are there any verses or words of life that God used to help you get through this tough time?

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Have you ever felt like this time in your life would help you with a vision or a dream that God has placed on your heart?

Going through my situation was extremely difficult, but it has allowed me to be an ear to those facing similar issues. It's allowed me to help guide and pray with other women who have faced or are facing similar or worse challenges. Being used by God to bless others is the ultimate goal because it's how we lead people to Christ. By loving others. When I first got separated I began a fitness business that wound up turning into a business where I was able to holistically help people...physically, mentally, and spiritually. Helping folks find who Christ called them to be and be whole.

BIG NEWS #1: Andrea is now joining Jackson Pine Farm as our official Health and Fitness Coach. We will have more on this and all the amazing things that Andrea is going to offer next week, so that you can join her virtually and train from wherever you are- at home, on the go, etc. She will be providing a full 40-day program for no cost- yes FREE! It will be a group Daniel plan including whole body health focusing on faith, food, and fitness. To join her, sign up for our waitlist to be the first to receive updates on the JPF health and fitness program.

What words describe the pain you were going through?

Hopeless, Lost, Defeated

What do you feel like was the purpose of your pain?

I believe that the Lord will take my pain and suffering and use it to first and foremost, demonstrate to my daughters TRUE love, self-respect, and what a true relationship with Jesus looks like. I also believe that the Lord is capable of using my experience to bless and provide hope to others that may be facing similar or worse situations. There is a way out! You aren't alone! Many people will help and if you can just muster up the strength you can make it out and once past it, you CAN and WILL THRIVE.

If someone else was going through the same challenges that you have faced, what would you want to tell them?

You have control. Don't allow ANYONE to disrespect you in any way...verbally, emotionally, mentally, or physically. God doesn't want you to suffer in that way nor expects you to be a martyr for anyone on this earth. You have strength. Focus on those that love you. Surround yourself with them and ALLOW them to help you out of it. One year from now...things can be completely different. I know, because I experienced it.

BIG NEWS #2: In honor of Andrea's story we have selected a verse that represents her faith in Jesus and her testimony. These t-shirts and tanks inspired by Andrea's story are now available in the Jackson Pine Farm Market. Grab one for yourself or a friend that is struggling and could use some uplifting words.

Where are you in your life now? How have things changed? What blessings has God revealed in your life?

Today I am living the life that I always dreamed for me... and by extension- my girls. I thought I'd never be able to find a true love the way I deserved. I truly believed it wasn't out there...that it didn't exist, but God allowed me to meet a man (Michael) who I have no doubt loves me and has proven to me time and time again that I am his priority. A man of God who unapologetic-ally serves Christ and desires to serve Him in any way. A man who works hard to serve His family and make sure everyone is taken care of. A man who respects me not only as his partner, but also as a human being. He's compassionate and caring. Through Him my love and passion of Christ has been reignited and I have never felt so close to the Lord as I do now. I feel love, hope, peace, and joy, even in the midst of trials. There is nothing better than that. Life can really knock you down, but when you truly accept Christ's love, nothing can destroy you and you aren't afraid of anything. Manipulation, control, fear are just a few of the things I've been set free from. I've seen God move in miraculous ways and am so amazed and in awe of Him.

"We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Both Michael and I have no doubt that God brought us together. But, I don't love Mike because God gifted me with him. I loved Mike before I even realized just how deep God's hand was in our relationship. My love for Mike and Mike's love for me does lead me to fall in love with the Lord more and more. Why? Because being able to experience a true love and knowing that God brought us together as a gift for each other demonstrates how much God loves us; how much God loves me. I feel incredibly blessed to experiences true love not only with God, but also with another person. I did nothing to deserve all this love, but God's grace is truly a beautiful thing. God's love has transformed my life and I'm on a mission to share this amazing love with everyone.

Without further ado, here's the happy couple. We eagerly await their wedding celebration day. And we will be sure to show off all the festivities here later this year!

To view their engagement session blog click here.

Mike has 2 daughters- Chelsea (13) and Elle (11) as well and a son- Justin (16- not pictured).

We are so grateful to have met this amazing family and honored to share Andrea's story of how God took tragedy and turned it to triumph. Do you have a story? Are you ready to share it boldly with the world to encourage others? We'd love to hear it! Visit our share you story page to get started.

xoxo,

Lauren

#abuse #speaknow #divorce #religion #manipulation #control